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I have just returned from a jog. I’m amazed to state those words. I believe it might have been a decade since I last did so. But I recently discovered that my levels show slightly high cholesterol, and I’ve been advised to do sweaty exercise on a consistent basis.

This is the first time in my life that the reason to exercise has been my bodily well-being. During earlier years, I exercised because I wanted to slim down. At times I ran to cure feelings of anxiety – It was an avoidance tactic from the worry, not addressing it. At other times, I exercised because I sought to get better in running. This was the definition to me back then to develop a better life.

Jogging with altered intent now prompted contemplation about the ways I’ve connected with my physique during my years and how this is changing as I progress from being a young person to being a middle-aged person. I don’t think I’ve valued my own body, not fundamentally. I’ve prized it just for its functions and the purposes it served me: trying to attract others; escaping emotions; completing a speedier 5K run. Previously, I’ve not understood that my body represents me, it embodies my life, instead of an instrument for achievements.

A great deal has been explored for ages about the split between body and mind – which it’s reassuring to know, I’ll avoid detailing now. What I’ve found most intriguing is Freud’s understanding that consciousness and physique are naturally unified right from the start, because physical development demands psychological development and the reverse is true. A baby’s corporeal feelings – such as the physical sensation of hunger – drive consciousness to cultivate the capacity to identify hunger as a sensation that is alleviated by nourishment; and the mental reassurance and satisfaction repeatedly brought by repeated nourishment nourishes the infant’s psyche just as the milk fuels them bodily. Similarly emotional occurrences – such as the urge to stand up and attain a goal, and the determination to try again and again – are the cause and means physical strength increases. From our earliest moments, our physical and mental selves are interconnected in mutual development as unified as a double helix.

Yet I have noticed, in treatment with my psychoanalyst, that mental and physical aspects might experience a distinct connection – a less unified and more exploitative. My psyche might utilize my physical self to store and express aspects that my psyche views unacceptable or intolerable. In analysis we’ve become aware how exist specific feelings that I fear I cannot bear; in place of feeling these in my mind, I unconsciously shift them to my physical self, where they get stuck as physical symptoms.

I often had digestive discomfort – not connected to what I’d eaten, but was a form of bodily backlash of the harsher emotions I couldn’t digest in my mind. It wasn’t an intentional act, but once it was raised to awareness by my analyst, and my fear and sensitivity and frustration and terror were experienced and put into words in place of changed into physical sensation, it resolved. I rarely suffer with digestive issues today.

The worst time I experienced this severe heartburn, I was unable to sleep for many nights straight. I felt I was forfeiting my sanity. I visited to the GP, who scheduled all sorts of examinations and assessments, but no issues were found corporally problematic. The situation was an alternate medic who suggested that the cause could be emotional. My analyst did not disagree. I was surprised, but I recognized it was accurate.

Whenever someone experiences a physical symptom, it can be upsetting at the suggestion that it may have a psychological cause. It can seem this as being disrespected, being told that their condition isn’t real. Certainly that does happen – individuals may experience their suffering ignored or incorrectly identified. But in some cases it could be that the bodily signs are genuine – no question – and the source is emotional, the unconscious employing the physical self to convey emotional hurt or rage or whichever sentiment the conscious self is unable to bear. Occasionally, we might assume our emotions only has value only through expression through the body. We persistently neglect our minds on a personal level, collectively and as a culture; how else can we allow the terrible reduction of mental health treatments through health services?

My experiences have taught me that a better life cannot be built if we remain trapped unawares in patterns of interaction, within ourselves and socially, that originate in disrespect, manipulation and dealings. Such patterns are frequently more straightforward to identify “in the world” in the general public. It’s perhaps less comfortable to think about where they come from, and to see these patterns personally and within our closest relationships, in the dynamics of our psyches.

But persistence pays off. When I put my running shoes again following many years, going outside not for a better body, or to eliminate a sensation, or to beat a running record, {it